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"Why did you stop chasing your dreams?"
There I was, driving my car listening to “Hot Country Music” with the windows down & having a nice little chat with my son when he blindsided me with this question. My mind was probably bouncing between the conversation, the sun actually being out (it’s been a long winter) and what newsletter bomb I was gonna deliver to you next Monday.
But the hard-hitting question made me pause.
Because here’s the thing… How do I teach my kids to always chase their dreams while also helping them understand that I didn't achieve mine? Because, after all, just because you chase them doesn't mean you'll achieve them.
Like most kids, I wanted to be a professional athlete. From the age of 2-13 I was practicing my touchdown celebrations so I was ready when I made it to the NFL. Somewhere along the ages of 13 or 14 I realized I had the knees of a rusty bicycle (and the speed of one too), so I put all my efforts into baseball.
“That’s it! I’ll be a professional baseball player"!”
That was it.
Nothing else mattered.
One of my coaches told me once that he would hit me ground balls until his hands bled. I took him up on that. On a Friday night nonetheless. And yes his hands were actually bleeding. Shoutout to all the great coaches out there.
- I set goals.
- I worked before & after practice.
- I ran stairs when others relaxed
My dreams slowly started to show signs of life.
Playing collegiate level was the next obvious step, and it became a reality.
But not in the way that I would have hoped. Suddenly, I wasn’t the best player on the team anymore. And even more suddenly, I struggled. I still put in the work but this time nothing budged.
Looking back on it now almost a decade later and I have to be truthful and recognize:
I wasn’t good enough.
So that’s what I told my son.
But not only that. We talked about how dreams can change.
Sometimes your dreams aren't meant to be achieved. Instead they are meant to teach:
They show you what's possible when you put in the effort.
Sometimes it’s not about whether or not you actually achieved your dreams but what action you took along the way to make it happen.
- Did you sacrifice?
- Did you put in the work?
- Did you learn?
A dream will remain a dream unless it’s powered by relentless action.
Yes, I didn't achieve my dreams. I never heard my name called on draft day. I never played under the bright lights on Sunday night in front of 80,000 people or felt the cool October air of playoff baseball.
But I learned.
And my "dreams" changed and continue to evolve.
My dreams today look a lot different than they did 2 decades ago.
Fast forward to yesterday...
I bought my son his first pack of baseball cards. Strangely enough I was really excited about this, and so was he. We sat at the kitchen table flipping through each card and talked about the players. I could see his excitement. He even started talking about how he wanted to organize them by team.
During this I mentioned to him "this is what I wanted to be when I was your age".
His reply kinda shocked me: "But then your dreams changed".
Proud dad moment
He didn’t say, “but then you failed and it was all worth nothing!”.
He was right. And I was proud.
My hope (for him and you, ) is that you’ll relentlessly pursue your dreams without tying your happiness or fulfilment to the achievement of that dream.
Because sometimes it’s not about the dream, it’s about what you’ll do to get there.
So next time you:
- fail
- don't land the dream client
- aren't selected for the dream promotion
Take time to reflect on what chasing it taught you.
Maybe it's just a change in direction, not a failure.
Keep going, dreams change, and that's ok.
Something better awaits.
Until next time!
Dallen “Dreams Change” Reber